Tag: Courage

Let’s See How We Go

What’s a time you followed your gut and it turned out to be exactly right?

Pen y Fan

It was the end of our 37th wedding anniversary holiday when my wife  and I stopped at the Pont-ar-Daf car park at the foot of Pen y Fan in the Brecon Beacons for a rest after a long drive. We decided to stretch our legs a little with a stroll up the path leading to the summit. I had reached the top with a friend a few weeks earlier but my wife had never attempted it.

After a short walk, I asked my wife, who suffered from mild asthma, if she wanted to go back to the car. She asked me what the view was like from the ridge that we could see. I said it’s worth seeing and she said, “Let’s see how we go.”

We walked on steadily, one foot in front of the other, got to the ridge and, indeed, the view was worth the effort. I asked if she was ready to go back to the car and she asked which peak was Pen y Fan. When I pointed it out she said, “Let’s see how we go.”

We kept waking and reached the summit, with its view across the whole of South and Mid Wales just as everyone else was leaving. We were left alone at the top for about ten minutes. It was probably the most emotional experience of our lives together.

We took the required photos and just sat there, alone together, tears in our eyes from the waves of emotions. Getting to the top at the end of an anniversary holiday was well worth the effort. It was a shared experience that drew us even closer together than we had ever been before. And all because of her gut feeling, “Let’s see how we go.” It was the first and only time we ascended Pen y Fan despite living in its shadow for over 40 years together.

The following year, there was upheaval in the family. But that shared experience had given us the strength to keep going and just “see how we go,” one foot in front of the other, in the face of trials.

I rarely directly share personal experiences, but this one has kept me going despite everything that life has thrown at us.

Just over five years later, my wife’s asthma turned out to be lung cancer, and she passed away a few months before what would have been our 43rd anniversary. But that shared experience has kept me going, still dealing with the upheaval in the family, still putting one foot in front of the other, still telling myself, “Let’s see how we go.”

Grandpa’s Way: Consequences

We must never leave our children in a position where they could be harmed by the consequences of their actions. Still, there’s a difference between being harmed and learning lessons. How do we teach them that everything they say or do has consequences, good or bad?

What do we do when things go wrong? It’s so easy to get frustrated and blame someone else. But what if we really were the ones who got it wrong? Would we take responsibility for our actions?

That’s what’s missing with many people, today. They are happy to blame others for their problems without thinking about their own contribution to the issue. The result is a generation of people who think that the whole world belongs to them; who are so hung up on their “entitlement” that other people’s rights are ignored, pushed into the background, or even trampled on.

As parents, we have a responsibility to raise our children to accept the consequences of their actions rather than protecting them from the educational opportunities.

Protection versus Responsibility

Yes, we have a duty of care; and we must never leave our children in a position where they could be harmed by the consequences of their actions. Still, there’s a difference between being harmed and learning lessons. For example, if our son was caught speeding and we paid the fine, what would he learn? Yes, we might lend him the money to pay; but if we insist that he finds a way to pay it back, then he will learn the lesson rather than think he is entitled to speed.

There are lots of areas where this is so. From an early age we can, and should, teach children to apologise. We should teach them that they are not entitled to other people’s things, that taking without permission is wrong, that it’s not theirs, just because they happen to want it, or that they have it in their hands.

Responsibility is an attitude of mind and heart. We need to teach our children to be responsible and accept the consequences. But that will only happen if we demonstrate that attitude, ourselves.

Good Enough Really Is

What’s a fear you’ve overcome — and how did you do it?

I grew up with the fear of getting it wrong. I always felt that nothing was ever good enough for my mother, and that I was constantly being criticised when, in fact, she was probably only trying to do what was best for me, encouraging me to be the person she knew I could be.

Let’s be honest, most of us have had it drummed into us that “good enough isn’t” (good enough).

Then I learned the Pareto Principle. 80% of the benefit results from 20% of the effort. And I suddenly realised that good enough really is good enough. We aren’t perfect. We are going to make mistakes. There are very few, if any, areas in life where perfection is essential. So why waste 80% of our effort trying to correct that last 20% which no one except the most critical perfectionist (which is often ourselves) will notice, anyway.

Smile

What’s the best way to build self-confidence?

No matter what happens in life, smile.

When you smile, you feel good about yourself regardless of what’s going on around you. When you smile, you know you can cope. Smiling is the way to tell yourself, “I’ve got this. Nothing is going to take away my peace.”

Silent Sentinels

Lone Tree, Llanelli, Carmarthenshire

Standing proudly,
Watching o’er the weathered landscape,
Silent sentinel
Waving in the breeze,
Monitoring shifting winds;
Observing ragged mountain tops.

Calm descends,
Like gentle waters softly flowing
Over polished rocks
In upland streams,
Washing cares and worries
Down cascading waterfalls.

Clouds come, clouds go;
Blue skies, white skies, some of reddish hue;
Changing by the moment;
Suspended oceans float on by,
Altering landscapes
With subtle, moody shadows.

Coruscating light
Paints sparkling veils
On moorland landscapes;
Gently folding thoughts and feelings
Into origami animals
To be tamed and nurtured.

Gorse bushes
With their thousand yellow eyes
Twinkling in the darkness,
Warning frightened children
To stay away from heath and heather
While clinging to Daddy’s hand.

Silent sentinels, all;
Guiding ways to safe environs;
Leading gently homeward;
Watching o’er the land;
Protecting weary souls
From themselves.

And here we are,
Silent sentinels
Holding on to love’s bright flame;
Which guides our way through cares and darkness;
Shields our love from harm and worry;
Standing brave, despite our fears.

Troubles come, troubles go;
Blue skies, white skies, some of reddish hue;
Changing by the moment;
Suspended worries float on by,
Altering our landscapes
With subtle, moody terrors.

Silent sentinels
Protecting names and faces
Of family and friends;
Though wrong motives be imputed
By those who do not know,
Or do not really care.

Silent sentinels
Accepting life as is,
With all its ups and downs;
Maintaining dignity, keeping integrity;
Despite the winds of change
Passing swiftly through our lives.

Yes, here we stand;
No wrangling; no complaining;
No seeking of sympathy
From those who do not really care;
Silent sentinels,
Bonded by love.

This is a tribute to all those couples who maintain their dignity and integrity in the face of sometimes cruel slander; who protect their family’s and friends’ reputations, despite the cost to themselves. Faced with what many would view as impossible positions, they find, buy, or even create seemingly impossible solutions. And still, through all of this, they know that someone, somewhere, is casting doubt on their integrity, trying to rob them of their dignity; qualities that allow them to face the realities of life with quiet fortitude and magnanimity.

They deserve our support.