If you had a time machine and could send just one message to your past self, what would it say?
I would tell myself to be who I am, not what I think others want me to be. Because when you try to be what others want you to be, they’re never satisfied. They won’t like you and you won’t like yourself.
So, cherish the people you’re with, but cherish who you are, too. As long as you’re not harming anyone, just be yourself.
Oh, yes. And stress is very over rated!
What’s a moment when a stranger completely restored your faith in people?
I’d taken my two teenage kids out for a meal. While we were waiting for our meal to be prepared we got talking with an older couple on the next table.
To be fair, my children are as frustrating as any others at home. But I’m proud of how polite they are outside. So, they got talking to this couple very politely, especially noting the ice cream sundaes that the couple were enjoying!
The couple paid and left while we were eating.
When we had finished, the children both commented that they were full and ready to leave. I went to the counter to pay and the waitress said, “Oh. The gentleman on the next table was so impressed with your children that he paid for ice cream sundaes for them.”
The children ate and enjoyed the ice cream.
And I learned that there are still good people out there.
If your future self could send you one sentence, what do you hope it would say?
I would hope that I could look back on my life and say, “You made a difference.”
Many people spend their lives trying to obtain some sort of wealth and so-called success. But what is wealth? What is success?
E told me that her sister, S, was visiting. S, who had no grandchildren, looked around at E’s photos of her grandchildren and said, “I may have money. But your wealth is in these photos.”
Real wealth and real success are in the difference we make in the lives of others.
I have recently become fascinated by the number of people who believe that the world revolves around them.
I’m all for encouraging others to feel good about themselves, and I don’t disagree with trying to engender positivity. I like the concept of helping everyone to build self-esteem.
Yet it seems to me that the current “accept everything” model, together with the idea that it’s not right (not acceptable in a world that accepts everything?) to tell a child that they are in the wrong, is building a world full of selfish entitlement. It’s my way, or no way.
For example, you make arrangements to catch a specific train. That requires you to leave the house by a specific time so as to get to the station on time. Yet the attitude seems to be, “Well the train will just have to wait for me!”
I’m sorry, but when did your entitlement to be late overrule everyone else’s entitlement to be punctual?
Interestingly, such people will often make a major issue over your relaxed arrangements. This is a wonderful experience to behold.
“What time are we leaving?”
“After breakfast.”
“So what time is that?”
“Between 9.00 and 10.00.”
“Can’t you be more specific?”
“Not really. It depends on how long it takes everyone to get ready. But as long as we leave by 10.00 we’ll be fine.”
“So 10.00, then.”
“No. Between 9.00 and 10.00; when we are all ready. But definitely before 10.00 so that we miss the traffic.”
Then the fun starts. Breakfast over, you say:
“Is everyone ready to leave, then?”
“No. I have to get dressed”
“Go on, then. But don’t take too long. You have 15 minutes.”
Twenty minutes later, at 10.05 you go to check.
“Not dressed, yet? We’re going to be late and we’ll get caught in the traffic and miss the train.”
“Well, they’ll just have to wait for me, won’t they. You’ll just have to drive faster.”
And this person who was simply going to die unless you gave them a specific time now holds everything up, expecting everyone else’s life to revolve around him. (Or her.)
It’s one of the hazards of shielding children from the consequences of their actions, or covering for them, getting them out of trouble. They grow up feeling that they are the most important person in the world, and that leads to the same attitude as they age.
The reality is that we are not the most important persons in the world. The only way to be special is to treat everyone else as more special than you. But when we shield people, including children, from the consequences of their actions, we develop a thankless, heartless, entitled generation.
Next time you come across this attitude, whether in yourself or others, resolve, not to shield the perpetrator from the consequences, but to enforce those consequences with all your might. (As long as it’s safe to do so, of course!)
“Yes. I know you wanted to go to the park. And I know I said that we would go as soon as you’re dressed. But, look. The park gates are locked for the night because you took so long to get dressed.”
Be prepared, however, to suffer your own consequences:
“Well if you had told me to get dressed earlier we wouldn’t have been late!”
I know. It seems like you can’t win. But do this enough times and the message will start getting through.
Respect and dignity require mutual consideration, not insistence on our rights, regardless of the consequences to other people.
Is it better to march in time with everyone else?
Or in time with the music?
Greenacre 9 