How can we use the power of a third person, or more, in calming our anxieties?
We have looked at the importance of solitude – having time to ourselves. And we have looked at the importance of companionship – having a confidante. Now we are going to look at the importance of having more than one or two people in our lives.
There are many references to the benefits of a large circle of friends. Nearly three thousand years ago the Bible said that there is wisdom in the multitude of counsellors. And even today the concept of a neutral observer or arbitrator is widely recognised. So how can we use the power of a third person, or more, in calming our anxieties?
Solitude is important. We all need time alone with our own thoughts. But it is also essential that we do not isolate ourselves. As mentioned in my previous article, The Power of One, isolating ourselves from other people can lead to selfish thinking.
Solitude is important. We all need time alone with our own thoughts. But it is also essential that we do not isolate ourselves. As mentioned in my previous article, The Power of One, isolating ourselves from other people can lead to selfish thinking.
So, in addition to spending time alone, we also need good companionship. Why? Because there are times when we simply need to talk with someone. And, sometimes, we need someone in whom we can confide.
It isn’t always a matter of getting advice. Just having someone listen to us often helps us to deal with issues. I remember someone telling me that her friend was chopping wood, one day, and she went and sat on a swing, nearby. As he chopped, she talked. After some time she said, “Thank you. You’ve really helped me.” He said, “Actually, I haven’t said anything.” Then she realised he was right. He hadn’t said anything. Just having someone listening was enough to help her come to terms with the feelings she was experiencing after the loss of her husband. And this wasn’t even that close a friend. In fact, it hadn’t been more than a few days since she had met him and his wife. But he was a good listener. And it was enough for her to find peace and move on.
Now, just imagine how much more a close friend could achieve; especially if that close friend is someone we care for and who cares for us. It’s a beautiful experience.
So don’t be afraid to ask for help, especially from a close friend or, even better, your marriage mate. But remember, to have a friend, you have to be a friend. And that can lead to all sorts of peaceful possibilities.
We all need other people. We are designed for companionship. We thrive when we are in good company, especially in times of trial or adversity. In fact, that’s when we need each other most. Yet we also need time on our own.
We all need other people. We are designed for companionship. We thrive when we are in good company, especially in times of trial or adversity. In fact, that’s when we need each other most.
Yet we also need time on our own. We need time to contemplate the things that affect our lives and the lives of those we care about, no matter where they might live and no matter whether we know them personally or not.
That’s where personal time comes in. We need to be alone, sometimes, just to be able to make sense of life. We could say we need time to breathe; to refresh ourselves; to clear everyone else’s clutter from our minds so that we can get on with dealing with our own issues.
When it comes to peace of mind the advantages of reading can be very underrated. Reading slows down the pace of life. It creates an oasis in the desert of our lives. It gives us the time to sit quietly and breathe, activities known to calm shattered nerves.
When it comes to peace of mind the advantages of reading can be very underrated. Reading slows down the pace of life. It creates an oasis in the desert of our lives. It gives us the time to sit quietly and breathe, activities known to calm shattered nerves.
But, to be effective in developing inner peace, our reading must not be hurried. Take time over it. Savour the words and phrases. We need to imagine ourselves in the scene. Even if our reading material is academic we can still drift into the picture by imagining that we are explaining the material to someone else.
We lead such busy lives, today. We are surrounded by clutter. We buy too much and spend too much and eat too much and leave too much lying around.
Yes. I admit that I’m as guilty as anyone else. I have to make a conscious effort to clear my desk every night. I have to make a conscious effort to put things away. And I don’t always succeed.
But the biggest clutter comes from other people. How often have you planned some activity, only to answer the telephone and hear the pleading voice confirming that you are the only person in the whole wide world who can help and it’s really, really, desparate, and if you don’t help the caller doesn’t know what he or she will do?
And how many times have you given up your day out to go and help, only to find that it was something that could have been put off till another day?
That’s why we need to schedule personal time every week. We need time for our immediate family – which does not include the children who have left home. And we need time for ourselves, too. We need to protect that time. Don’t let anything trivial get in the way. We have our own needs to take care of. And if we don’t look after ourselves, we will not have the resources to look after anyone else.
This is where we need to learn the power of ‘No’. We need to learn that our time is precious and must be protected. Yes, there will be emergencies. But as one fridge magnet puts it, “Bad planning on your part does not constitute a crisis on my part.”
After all, there will always be other opportunities to look after the grandchildren; opportunities when you can plan fun activities, rather than being stressed about what you cannot do or should do or could be doing. But a date night with your mate, that’s prcious.
Greenacre 9 