Tag: Coping

Grandpa’s Way: Consequences

We must never leave our children in a position where they could be harmed by the consequences of their actions. Still, there’s a difference between being harmed and learning lessons. How do we teach them that everything they say or do has consequences, good or bad?

What do we do when things go wrong? It’s so easy to get frustrated and blame someone else. But what if we really were the ones who got it wrong? Would we take responsibility for our actions?

That’s what’s missing with many people, today. They are happy to blame others for their problems without thinking about their own contribution to the issue. The result is a generation of people who think that the whole world belongs to them; who are so hung up on their “entitlement” that other people’s rights are ignored, pushed into the background, or even trampled on.

As parents, we have a responsibility to raise our children to accept the consequences of their actions rather than protecting them from the educational opportunities.

Protection versus Responsibility

Yes, we have a duty of care; and we must never leave our children in a position where they could be harmed by the consequences of their actions. Still, there’s a difference between being harmed and learning lessons. For example, if our son was caught speeding and we paid the fine, what would he learn? Yes, we might lend him the money to pay; but if we insist that he finds a way to pay it back, then he will learn the lesson rather than think he is entitled to speed.

There are lots of areas where this is so. From an early age we can, and should, teach children to apologise. We should teach them that they are not entitled to other people’s things, that taking without permission is wrong, that it’s not theirs, just because they happen to want it, or that they have it in their hands.

Responsibility is an attitude of mind and heart. We need to teach our children to be responsible and accept the consequences. But that will only happen if we demonstrate that attitude, ourselves.

Good Enough Really Is

What’s a fear you’ve overcome — and how did you do it?

I grew up with the fear of getting it wrong. I always felt that nothing was ever good enough for my mother, and that I was constantly being criticised when, in fact, she was probably only trying to do what was best for me, encouraging me to be the person she knew I could be.

Let’s be honest, most of us have had it drummed into us that “good enough isn’t” (good enough).

Then I learned the Pareto Principle. 80% of the benefit results from 20% of the effort. And I suddenly realised that good enough really is good enough. We aren’t perfect. We are going to make mistakes. There are very few, if any, areas in life where perfection is essential. So why waste 80% of our effort trying to correct that last 20% which no one except the most critical perfectionist (which is often ourselves) will notice, anyway.

Smile

What’s the best way to build self-confidence?

No matter what happens in life, smile.

When you smile, you feel good about yourself regardless of what’s going on around you. When you smile, you know you can cope. Smiling is the way to tell yourself, “I’ve got this. Nothing is going to take away my peace.”

You Are Not Alone

Bare trees in frosty weather as the dawn starts to break
Dawn trees in frost

When we are struggling to cope with the things that life throws at us, it’s easy to think that the whole universe is conspiring against us. We know it’s not true. It simply feels that way.

I once spoke with a woman who raised this very issue, but from a more balanced point of view. She rightly pointed out that she feels that despite trying to do good to others, bad things keep happening in her life. But then she explained that when she sees what some people have to endure she realises that she’s not so badly off,  after all.

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