Tag: life

Letting Go

What is your favorite quote?

Letting go of the pain is not about forgetting the past; it’s about remembering the future.

Respect

What’s a skill you consider basic, that most people don’t actually know how to do?

When I was younger, we were taught respect; for our elders, for teachers, especially for our parents. And respecting those people gave us a high level of self-respect.

But that education is very rare today. People grow up, and are even being raised, to not respect anyone else, to believe that they are the most important person in the world, and that no one else’s rights matter. As a result they don’t even respect themselves.

So, what basic skill is missing that most people don’t know how to do it? Respect for others, which in turn generates self-respect.

No Good Crying Over Spilt Milk

What’s a lesson you’ve learned recently that shifted your perspective?

We spend all our time trying to control every aspect of our lives. But the reality is that we have very little real control.

A lot of our lives are controlled by others, or by our circumstances. Employees are controlled by their managers, managers by their directors, directors by the business owners, business owners by the market demand. Children are controlled by the needs of their children, and children by the needs of their parents.

And even when we have free time, our freedom is controlled by the circumstances around us.

Take yesterday, as an example. My plan was to work around the house. Then my son called to tell me that he was available to help me with a different task. So, I drove to his house to collect him.

Leaving his home, we were greeted by a number of neighbours asking if it was my car. Yes, it was. Because a bus has just hit it, and the driver took his bus and left the scene before exchanging insurance details.

And that meant that after caring for the heavy lifting with which my son had come to help, and taking him home, I spent the day making reports to the police and insurance company. And now I’ll have to go through the trials of getting the car repaired. And because the bus driver is unknown, I’ll have to pay the excess on my insurance.

What have I learned? That we’re not as “in control” as we’d like to think we are.

How does it change my perspective? It’s a car. No one died. No one even got injured. It’s just a car.

Was I able to do what I wanted to, yesterday? No. I’ll have to do that today. But there’s no point worrying about it. As the saying goes, there’s no good crying over spilt milk. It’s gone. Like the time I’d set aside yesterday, it’s gone. No point worrying about it. I’ll never get that time back. And there’s nothing I can do about it.

So why worry? Why get angry? Will it help get my car fixed? No. Will it make me feel better? No. Will it get the bus driver punished? No. All it will achieve is cause me stress, and shorten my life. So why worry? Why get angry?

Instead, channel that energy into positive acts that get things done.

The positive side of yesterday was that I had less time available, so I carried out a different, shorter task. And strangely, that made a bigger difference than everything I’d planned but couldn’t do!

Read Widely

What’s one habit that has improved your life the most?

I’m a firm believer in keeping your mind active. People ask me what I do to relax and I say, “I study.” I read widely and keep learning. But there’s a warning attached.

Reading widely means we learn a little about a lot of subjects. We must never think we know it all. We must recognise the limits of our knowledge. We know enough to discuss matters intelligently. But that doesn’t make us experts. What it makes us is interested in others, empathetic.

So, read a wide range of subjects, but don’t boast about what you know. Use the little that you learn as a prompt to learn more. Ask questions of those who do know.

As it’s been said, the true knowledge is knowing how little we know.

What has it done for me? It’s allowed me to speak with a wide range of people without embarrassment. As Kipling put it, it’s allowed me to “walk with kings nor lose the common touch.”