What’s a skill you consider basic, that most people don’t actually know how to do?
When I was younger, we were taught respect; for our elders, for teachers, especially for our parents. And respecting those people gave us a high level of self-respect.
But that education is very rare today. People grow up, and are even being raised, to not respect anyone else, to believe that they are the most important person in the world, and that no one else’s rights matter. As a result they don’t even respect themselves.
So, what basic skill is missing that most people don’t know how to do it? Respect for others, which in turn generates self-respect.
What’s strange about this question is that many people don’t believe in any sort of supreme being, but they believe everything happens for a reason, which suggests that someone is in control.
Confused yet?
Then add to that the fact that, if everything happens for a reason, there’s no point teaching our children to be careful when crossing the road, or using knives, or carrying scissors. After all, if everything happens for a reason, then we have no control over it.
Interestingly, many do believe in a supreme being, God, and that his sayings are recorded in the Bible. One of those sayings, recorded at Ecclesiastes 9v11 is, “time and chance happeneth to them all.” In other words, he does not control everything that happens to us. He gave us free will. And accidents happen.
We like to think that everything happens for a reason because, when accidents happen, we don’t want to be held responsible for our actions; we want to blame someone else.
Because the truth is that things often do happen for a reason; for the reason that we made a choice. All our choices have consequences, whether good or bad. And we need to stop trying to find someone else to blame and start taking responsibility for our own choices.
What’s a promise you made to yourself that you’ve actually kept?
I’ve always had a reputation as someone who doesn’t give up when things get tough. That hasn’t always been the case. But I’ve always said, “Don’t tell me it can’t be done because that will only challenge me to find a way to do it.” And in trying to stick to that, I’ve achieved remarkable results, even if they weren’t earth shattering.
But that habit kept me going when my wife passed away, leaving me to raise two foster children, both under ten years of age. Many people thought I would give up. But sitting down to dinner with them, today, nearly nine years later, I haven’t given up. And I don’t intend to. I’ll stick to the task, hopefully until it’s finished. And if I don’t get there, it won’t be for lack of trying.
What’s a lesson you’ve learned recently that shifted your perspective?
We spend all our time trying to control every aspect of our lives. But the reality is that we have very little real control.
A lot of our lives are controlled by others, or by our circumstances. Employees are controlled by their managers, managers by their directors, directors by the business owners, business owners by the market demand. Children are controlled by the needs of their children, and children by the needs of their parents.
And even when we have free time, our freedom is controlled by the circumstances around us.
Take yesterday, as an example. My plan was to work around the house. Then my son called to tell me that he was available to help me with a different task. So, I drove to his house to collect him.
Leaving his home, we were greeted by a number of neighbours asking if it was my car. Yes, it was. Because a bus has just hit it, and the driver took his bus and left the scene before exchanging insurance details.
And that meant that after caring for the heavy lifting with which my son had come to help, and taking him home, I spent the day making reports to the police and insurance company. And now I’ll have to go through the trials of getting the car repaired. And because the bus driver is unknown, I’ll have to pay the excess on my insurance.
What have I learned? That we’re not as “in control” as we’d like to think we are.
How does it change my perspective? It’s a car. No one died. No one even got injured. It’s just a car.
Was I able to do what I wanted to, yesterday? No. I’ll have to do that today. But there’s no point worrying about it. As the saying goes, there’s no good crying over spilt milk. It’s gone. Like the time I’d set aside yesterday, it’s gone. No point worrying about it. I’ll never get that time back. And there’s nothing I can do about it.
So why worry? Why get angry? Will it help get my car fixed? No. Will it make me feel better? No. Will it get the bus driver punished? No. All it will achieve is cause me stress, and shorten my life. So why worry? Why get angry?
Instead, channel that energy into positive acts that get things done.
The positive side of yesterday was that I had less time available, so I carried out a different, shorter task. And strangely, that made a bigger difference than everything I’d planned but couldn’t do!
Greenacre 9 