There is a Way

Way Marker, St. Illtyd’s Way, Aberdare

Grief can make you feel like all the roads are blocked, all the exits are barred. It can feel as if you have no direction, nowhere to go, nowhere to be but here, thinking of everything and thinking of nothing.

At such times, we need a way marker. We need a direction. We need to find a way through the barricades.

But only in our own time. When grief strikes, stop. Let it wash over you. Accept it for what it is. It’s an expression of love for the person we’ve lost. Take your time. Let no one rush you. Don’t kisten to those who would tell you that you should be over your grief, by now. There is no time limit.

Peace will come in your time, when you are ready.

Meanwhile, look for the signs. Look for the markers that say, “This is the way to your future.” They will appear. Sometimes, they’ve been there all along but our tears haven’t allowed us to see them. Sometimes they come along when we least expect it.

Eventually, though, we all have to make our own map. It’s not a map out of grief. It’s a map that acknowledges our grief, a map overlayed with grief. But like a landscape, shrouded in mist in which, little by little, the mist dissipates, very slowly, over time, as we keep putting one foot in front of the other, the grief, too, dissipates.

Maybe our grief will never go away. But it will fade, just enough for us to see the way forward.

Winter hanging on

A vignette of a winter sunset. The sky is coloured in red and, orange, and yellow hues. Leafless trees are silhouetted against the sky.
Winter sunset

Winter hanging on

Tree buds shiver in the cold

With confused feelings


A numb heart struggles to be creative. But as winter turns to spring once again, maybe this is the year that the numbness will dissipate.

There is nothing normal about grief. Everyone grieves differently. Let your winter turn to spring when it is ready. You will know when it is time.